Boner, Ahem, Beat-Down

John Boehner's Cry For Help - Esquire:

There are brief, fleeting moments in which I feel something akin to sadness regarding John Boehner, the orange-hued political castrato currently engaged as The Maitre d' In Bedlam. It is not his fault that he is so terrible at the job of wrangling the insane. Not everyone has that peciuliar gift. He was handed the gavel in 2010 as leader of the worst Congress elected in the history of the Republic. In return, he placed his balls snugly in a Mason jar that is buried somewhere on the grounds of the Heritage Foundation, and then a substantial portion of his Congress threw a hooley and burned the map that showed where the jar was...